Being alone gives us the time to feel to heal


In a world full of technology and easy distractions we can easily find ourselves disconnected, and scared to be alone. Sonia Friedrich, author of 11 Steps to Healing, explains why it is so important to reconnect withthe most important person in our lives – ourselves.

Too often these days we live in a world of thinking, distraction, disharmony and disconnection. In fact life seems to be designed to keep everyone busy and we often feel that others are displeased if we take a few moments of time for ourselves. At the same time, me-time can also be the most confronting of all.

Many of us can no longer handle time alone. Recent studies published in the magazine Science, show that the majority of people would prefer to give themselves an electric shock than spend 6-15 minutes alone with themselves. Unbelievable but true.

Timothy Wilson from the University of Virginia conducted a series of eleven experiments, asking all the participants stay awake and be with themselves. There were no phones, books, or distractions. While the experimental design varied across the studies, with some being asked to do minor task, the results showed overall most people found it less than enjoyable and very difficult to be alone. In one study 63% of men and 25% of women actually gave themselves an electric shock rather than be all alone and doing nothing.

But the fact is that in distraction you cannot hear the calling of your soul, the needs of your heart or the voice of your body. Your mind takes over and snaps into thinking in short spurts at a time and this habituated response is now so ingrained that society grasps for distraction as their modus operandi.

Being alone in nature is a soothing way to get back in touch with ourselves. Photograph: Candida Baker

Being alone in nature is a soothing way to get back in touch with ourselves. Photograph: Candida Baker

For many this avoidance is deliberate while for others it is completely unconscious. To reconnect with the self can be one of the scariest things to do. To be with our feelings is daunting because then we can no longer deny the truth of our life and our world, but we will do anything to avoid it. It is one reason addictions are so rife in our culture – whether it be work, drugs, alcohol, shopping, gambling, pills, sex, exercise, botox, even yoga – yes! Anything done to excess, for intentional distraction, as a mechanism to self soothe, and avoid feeling your truth is an addiction.

The journey of healing begins with feeling:

  • Start with moments at a time and build from here
  • Learn what your emotional states are again. You may be so numb you need to identify them as if for the first time
  • When you have an emotional charge to anything, be with it. Hold the space and ask yourself: “How am I feeling?” and “When have I felt this before?”
  • If you use the word “interesting” to describe your emotional states, stop. Ask what feeling you are too scared to say and get back in touch with
  • Observe the self-initiated distractions in your day. Take a moment and reflect on what happened a few moments before that you do not wish to feel or see.
  • Observe where you allow the distraction of others to take over your life.

Get out of your head and into your heart. Feel to heal. In feeling we align with our intuitive guide, honour and if we hear it, begin to live from our authentic voice. Here rests our truth. Find your place of silence amidst the distraction of the world and reconnect to all of who you are. It is there. Feel it.

Sonia Friedrich is a mentor to business executives who wish to change their life. She has recently released 11 Steps to Healing – For Multi-Millionaires & Business Owners. Visit soniafriedrich for more.

BUY 11 Steps to Healing here: $29.95 + p&h

Book Review by Barry Eaton here




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